Tuesday, May 10, 2011

MOCHMOOD...god damnit this shit is wrong!

at what point should your weight become a problem...when your dick disappears into the abyss that is your ass, taint, and muffin top; or long before you and your dick part less than amicable terms. if you have to throttle the toilet like you're ridding a mechanical bull and hope that your dick is pointing downwards and not at your leg, there might be a problem. if you have to sit on the toilet to take a piss, there's probably definitely a problem. from the mere reality that if you can't see your cock, you probably haven't had any quality interaction with it in some time, either from old righty or from some fat, unattractive female reciprocal of yourself. ok, now i'm the first to indulge in some delicious goodness...but for fucks sake, find some balance. its not a snack if you eat the whole box of twinkies...its a god damn binge. i don't expect six pack abs or 10% body fat, but god damn, get off your ass and go for a walk once in a while; or ease up a bit and instead of the two dozen wings caked in bbq sauce, grab a dozen; and the next time you're in line at mcdonalds, 10 dollars on the dollar menu is excessive. find some balance for christ sake. instead of 12 diet cokes a day, cut back to one or two and have a glass of water when you're thirsty. ok. that's my rant about fat, lazy fucks. make a change. or don't, and plan to have diabetes, heart disease, hypertension, and a bakers dozen of cancer.

oh FUCK!

good stuff from a boring ass baby!

Monday, May 9, 2011

fucking johnny hammer sticks!

this chick is koo koo for coco puffs...too fuckin hilarious!

this is how every guy feels right before he's about to do it. always thinking ahead.

sandals are his everest

i'm black. i'm white. i'm ghetto as fuck! snap.

we're going streaking through the quad...wooooo!

condoms are prison for my penis. every time i put one on i hear a quiet protest coming from my junk: attica, attica, attica! when i pull the condom off to cum it reminds me of the escape scene in shawshank redemption and i yell out andy's free!
Dear Alcohol: thank you for the many found memories you have given me throughout our tenuous relationship; thanks for the bruises, black eyes, & bodily destruction; thanks for the numerous poor decisions, regretful behavior & the complete lack of inhibitions under your care; & most importantly, thank you for the endless laughs & awesome times, i'll cherish them forever! you're the best!
Love Me
every time i reach for a pistachio i think about how much work it's gonna be...and then bail for something else! those commercials are full of shit...its like i need a pair of pliers and some superman strength for those little bundles of joy!
I would make a scene of biblical proportions. I would lie, scream, beg, borrow and steal. If that somehow didn’t part her legs then I would call racism and I would yell for all to hear: “you’re really gonna fire my poor black client off the show he CREATED? I’m callin the NAACP, the Reverend Al Sharpton, and the ghost of my man – MALCOM X!”